Tag Archives: depression

Change, Meditation, Wellness topic

Understanding the Stages of Grief: A Gentle Guide Through Loss

It’s the end of October and the beginning of November with Halloween and Dia de los Muertos behind us. I love the idea of having a time of the year dedicated to thinking of the after life and of honoring our ancestors. However, with all the reminders of death during this particular holiday season, grief can be stirred up. There may be those who have been triggered and wondering what is going on with their swings in emotional states. I thought I would take this time to review the stages of grief in order to offer some support and understanding if you find yourself in the grief process.

The Five Stages of Grief

The idea of the “five stages of grief” was introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her groundbreaking 1969 book On Death and Dying. She initially developed the model while studying people facing terminal illness, but it has since been applied more broadly to all types of loss (Kübler-Ross, 1969; Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2005).

1. Denial

Denial serves as an emotional buffer. It helps the mind process loss at a pace it can handle. People might say things like, “This can’t be happening,” or find themselves moving through daily routines on autopilot. Denial gives us space to absorb shock before deeper feelings surface.

2. Anger

As reality sets in, anger often arises — directed at oneself, others, or even at life itself. Anger is sometimes easier to express than pain, and it provides a temporary sense of control. Recognizing anger as a natural part of healing prevents guilt from compounding the emotion (Worden, 2009).

3. Bargaining

In this stage, the mind searches for meaning or tries to negotiate away pain: “If only I had done this differently…” or “Maybe if I change something, things will return to normal.” Bargaining often reflects our struggle to regain a sense of agency in an uncontrollable situation.

4. Depression

When the full weight of the loss sinks in, sadness, fatigue, or withdrawal may appear. This is not necessarily clinical depression but rather a reflection of the profound emptiness that loss brings. Allowing these feelings without judgment helps us integrate grief rather than resist it (Stroebe & Schut, 2010).

5. Acceptance

Acceptance does not mean being “okay” with the loss. It means acknowledging reality and finding a new way to live alongside it. This stage is about integration — learning to carry love and memory forward in a new way (Neimeyer, 2019).

Beyond the Five Stages

In my most recent yoga therapist training at Purusha Yoga School  (San Francisco, CA), I took a class “Aging Gracefully”.  The Primary teacher and founder of this school, Joy Ravelli,  had compiled an excellent class on death and dying.  From her research and practice she shared a different “version” of the grief stages that I feel have changed my perspective on this process, particularly with the addition of the stage of “wisdom”. Here they are:

1.Denial/ Shock 

 Denial and Shock help us survive and cope.  This stage helps us pace our grief.

Shock and denial are defense mechanisms.

2. Exploring Emotional

(Otherwise known as “Anger” and “Bargaining”)

The stage of searching and yearning leads to feeling in the body.  Those feelings may be anger, sadness, panic, hurt, loneliness, despair, depression.  Each of these feelings has a story.  Each of these feelings has an energy.

3. Conscious Rest

(Also known as “depression” – Instead of just depression, this stage includes the following:)

  • Depression. This may be a period of isolation and loneliness during which you process and reflect on the loss.
  • The upward turn. At this point, the stages of grief like anger and pain have died down, and you’re left in a more calm and relaxed state.
  • Reconstruction and working through. You can begin to put pieces of your life back together and carry forward.

4. Acceptance

Acceptance and hope. This is a very gradual acceptance of the new way of life and a feeling of possibility in the future.

5. Wisdom

Grief becomes wisdom and empathy develops for others in that through the transformational experience of grief we come to a place where we can recognize these states in others.

Moving Forward

Grief changes us, but it can also deepen our capacity for empathy, gratitude, and meaning. There is no timetable or “correct” way to grieve — only your way. The stages are also not linear so you could experience acceptance one day and the next day be back in anger.  Support from compassionate others, therapy, and time can help integrate loss into a renewed sense of wholeness.

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References

  • Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Macmillan.
  • Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.
  • Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: Rationale and Description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197-224.
  • Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2010). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: A Decade On. Omega, 61(4), 273-289.
  • Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (4th ed.). Springer.
  • Neimeyer, R. A. (2019). Meaning Reconstruction in the Wake of Loss. Death Studies, 43(1), 1-11.
Uncategorized

Let There Be Light: Easing the Winter Blues with Light Therapy

It’s that time of year when many people start to feel a subtle shift in mood. Energy dips, irritability creeps in, and motivation seems to disappear. For some, these changes are mild; for others, they mark the start of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

Some of my clients who are particularly sensitive to the darker months start “winter therapy” as soon as the days shorten. Others wait until after the holidays—when stress, exhaustion, and post-holiday recovery collide—to reach out for help. Either way, this is the perfect season to talk about light therapy boxes.

What a Light Therapy Box Can Do

Whether or not you’ve been formally diagnosed with SAD, a light therapy box can help offset those winter “blahs.” If someone can get out side for atleast 20 minutes a day consistently, even on cloudy or rainy days, then they probably don’t need a light therapy box. But for those who cannot be as consistent due to their schedule or motivation then a light therapy box is an excellent wellness tool.

I typically suggest sitting about 14 inches away from the light box for 20 minutes in the morning while you have breakfast or start your day. You don’t need to stare directly into it—just let the light reach your eyes as you go about your routine. Think of it as giving your body a gentle sunrise indoors.

Interestingly, many people find benefit from using their light box even outside of winter. I’ve had clients use them during hot summer months when they spend most of their time indoors avoiding the heat. The goal is the same: supporting your body’s rhythm and mood when you’re not getting natural sunlight.

Why Light Matters So Much

Daily exposure to full-spectrum light helps synchronize your body’s internal clock to a natural 24-hour day. Without it, your biological rhythm can drift to longer cycles—sometimes 36 or even 72 hours—which throws off your sleep, mood, and energy.

When your body is aligned with daylight, neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and melatonin regulate properly. You get clearer signals to fall asleep, wake up, feel motivated, and manage stress hormones like cortisol.

Simply put:

Regular exposure to light doesn’t just lift your mood—it helps your entire body function more efficiently.

Sunshine for Mind, Body, and Spirit

Our bodies are wired for sunlight. When we receive enough bright, full-spectrum light, we thrive mentally, physically, and emotionally. Light therapy can be a powerful way to bring a bit of that sunshine indoors during darker seasons—or any time you feel your spark fading.

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Nutrition, Treatment, Wellness topic

Are you struggling with food addictions?

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Many of us at times develop unhealthy relationships with food.  A little while of feeling bad after maybe overeating and seeing its effects we are able to reign our behavior in and there’s not much harm.  However sometimes this unhealthy relationship can be ongoing and can start to cause other parts of our lives, relationships and recreations for example, to not function well.  When this happens, a food addiction might have formed and may call for more specific intervention.

Some signs to keep in mind:

  1. Eating more than planned when you eat certain foods.
  2. Keep eating certain foods even if you are not hungry.
  3. Eat until you feel sick.
  4. If unable to get a specific food, go out of your way to obtain that food.
  5. Eat certain foods in such large amounts that you start eating food instead of working, spending time with family or doing recreational activities.
  6. Avoid professional or social situations where certain foods are available.
  7. Have problems function effectively at your school or work because of food and eating.

If you checked a good many and have been experiencing these for over a month, it may be that it is time to seek further support.

Feel free to contact me for a free consultation if you feel this may apply to you.  I have been working for over 10 years  with people that suffer from all types of addictions and can help.

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depression, Treatment, Wellness topic

Weekly Wellness Post – Burn Out

Burn out, I think on some level we all have experienced.  I am studying for my CCS (Certified Clinical Supervisor) and one of the areas I’m reviewing includes the identified stages of burn out by Edelwich and Brodsky.  What I have found interesting about these stages every time I have read about them in the past is that the first stage involves “Enthusiasm“.  This is described as a tendency to be overly available and to give a lot of oneself due to the motivation and excitement.  I think many people forget when they are burned out that at one time they probably had an excitement for what is burning them out currently.  A lot of time we start our work with a certain idealism or a vision of “how things could be”.

The next stages include “Stagnation“.  This is described  by stating “expectations shrink to normal proportions and person discontentment begins to surface”.  Basically this happens when we have a desire to make something happen or to do our work a certain way and we get thwarted.  Frustrations start to mount up as we realize we can’t do what we had set out to as easily as expected and we see no movement toward our goal or vision.  This can happen when a company also doesn’t encourage collaboration and has a very dictatorship culture.  Or this can happen when a person does not have a full understanding of the field they are going into and only see a small window of the bigger picture until they are actually doing the work.  Other ways this could happen is that environmental factors such as  unexpected reduction of supplies  or resources occur that could be related to a natural disaster or unusual fluctuation in the economy.

The third stage is Frustration.  This is described as “difficulties seem to multiply and the helper becomes bored, less tolerant, less sympathetic, and she or he copes by avoiding and withdrawing.”  So what happens in stage 2 worsens.  No relief or help is available or received and the goal/vision gets further and further away.  At this point feelings of hopeless sink in and people start to give up or not care as much.  This leads to the fourth stage.

Apathy.  Apathy is characterized as “depression and listlessness”.  At this point a person may have forgotten why they entered their line of work in the first place.  They may seek help or quit job.  Some may move on to a more severe form of depression/anger and become harmful to themselves or others.

*****

I think the main point to take away from these identified stages is that the main culprit is a feeling of lack of control. There is much different companies can do to help a person prevent burn out.  Some things include more collaborative style of decision making and planning in which you not only elicit feedback from your staff but they see you use it.    Other things include having resources like EAP for staff to use to help them personally figure out how to take back control of their lives.  Helping folks have more work/life/family balance like incorporating family events or exercise initiatives into the regular work day.  Some people feel burnout b/c they feel they lost control in another area of their life so if they feel like work is taken over and the vision they had for the family or health is not coming to fruition they can feel burn out and project it onto the work place.  Helping employees work on balancing work and home can be extremely helpful.

Individuals can also retake their lives back by indentifying their roles and what parts of their roles are not meeting their own vision and expectations.  Next step would be examining this vision and expectations to see if they are realistic.  If they are not then taking some time to develop more realistic expectations might be in order.  If they are realistic then breaking the steps toward reaching these goals into manageable and measurable pieces would be helpful.  Once we know what the next step is, how we are going to do it,  and when we are going to do it then we are back in control.  The feelings related to burnout will start to diminish as we make progress.

 

depression, Exercise, research, Treatment, Wellness topic

Weekly Wellness Post – Follow up on last post

I could not locate the research I mentioned in past post on exercising 3 days a week for 20 minutes for a month equal to that of taking antidepressant for a month but here is some similar research on exercise, mood, and antidepressants.  Looks like the overal result of these studies and research is that you can get the same final result from medications and exercise, but medications will get you there faster while exercise will keep you there longer.   I think exercise is a win-win but of course sometimes you may need help with the initial motivation to get moving and that is where medications can be very helpful.

( This article was first printed in the Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School “Understanding Depression”. For more information  go to www.health.harvard.edu/UD.)

(This one isn’t necessarily research but I like it’s explanations.)

(This one is an actual abstract of a research experiment on aging adults divided into groups of those given antidepressant and those given different exercise routines to follow.)

 

Take Care and nerd up on these studies,

Amanda